Life

I'm 19.
I turn 20 in two days. I can't say I'm stoked about it. I don't really like birthdays, I think that's my dad's fault. I don't evn want to go out for it, I knew I'd feel this way but I made plans anyway and now I'm regretting them.
So far in my two decades of life, I've driven on my own up and down the east coast of Australia, I'm currently studying, I've done two seasons at the snow, I've run an entire hotel on my own (mind you it was relatively empty), I've managed a restaurant, I've stolen (and returned unbeknowest to the girlfriend) 4 boyfriends (though I can't say I was entirely aware of all their attachments), and I've made enouh money to have a deposit on a house but I've spent it all on living the perfect life. I regret none of it.
Now I'm completely lost, sitting at mum's looking for jobs at places that don't want to hire me because I have no previous employment history in clothing retail. I can talk my way into a job that doesn't exist in any cafe or bar, they make a job for me. Right now all I want to do is sell someone their loved one's Christmas present and do you think I can get a job? No.
It's driving me insane.
Not to mention the family and friend side of things. For someone who was so sure, I have no idea what I'm doing now. I wish I was the old me. Me at the start of the year. The one who knew everything that she wanted. Because this me, the one I'm living with now is giving me a whole lot of grief in her uncertainty.